I WIN

That sound you just heard: a 21-cork champagne salute.

OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT BUSH

Re:

QUESTION: Mr. President, of all of the people in the United States you had to choose from, is Harriet Miers the most qualified to serve on the Supreme Court?

BUSH: Yes. Otherwise, I wouldn't have put her on.

Dear President Bush,



All my best,

J. Michael Luttig

HAIRY-ETTE: ALL EYELINER, NO JURISPRUDENCE

Every hour that goes by, the more depressed I get. It's not that I'm mad about not being appointed to the Supreme Court. (I mean, I am, but this is much bigger than that.) It's that the President of the United States, whom at this point I wouldn't allow one of my clerks to hire as a manual laborer, had to choose such a sycophantic lightweight to fill what would have been my seat. The only possible distinction that Hairy-Ette might hold is she's the first Supreme Court nominee whose eyeliner is thicker than her curriculum vitae.

THICK MAKEUP, THIN SKIN

Memo to Hairyette: if you can't take the heat, get your ass back in the kitchen.

WORST NOMINEE EVER

Harriet the (small) Fry
Harriet Yesman
Harryreid Miers
Harriet Lamerz

LEMME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU: I.D.I.O.T.

The President of the United States just proved beyond a shadow of an unreasonable doubt that he's the most moronic organism in the history of life on earth.